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It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.This advice impacted the way I approach romantic relationships in that I allowed for a lot more space, which in turn allowed for less reactivity, more peace, happiness, and respect.When I learned that I’m responsible for my own happiness and when I learned how to consistently align with it, my entire world transformed.I now have the freedom to choose if and when I spend time with someone else, and I deliberately choose to spend time with others who get this, too.We are a terrific team and often we agree on what we want.And when we don’t, we tend to take turns supporting the other’s wants. Gail Saltz, is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian’s Weill-Cornell Medical College.Sometimes this means giving something up, but actually most times this means we both get what we want and we both feel very loved, supported, and that we are in each other’s corner.
I stopped being resentful that my friends were married and having lives that felt out of reach to me. Through this advice I learned about the importance of caring for my mind, body, and spirit. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to the person next to you.
This pull becomes a destructive compulsion that corrodes the integrity of the relationship.